Love because He first loved us.

 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

Philippians 2:3-4

 

 

LOTS to say....

WARNING: lots of scrambled thoughts ahead!!

It has been so long since I have written anything. I don’t know why I have had this block or why I don’t feel like writing…because a lot has been happening. I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease which has been a relief but also a huge adjustment…not just with my eating but mentally. There is something that happens when someone tells you that you CANNOT eat certain things ever again…you instantly want them even if you never liked them. I have been fighting these mind games which has resulted in eating more gluten free snacks and trying new recipes. I am grateful to finally be feeling better and that I have more energy. I will still be having an upper endoscopy, bone scan and some more blood work. I have had to do all the research on my own and with the help of great friends and family. The doctor’s don’t really have much to say about it and haven’t been extremely helpful through the process. So huge life adjustment but hoping it only gets better from here!

            Spiritually, I kind of feel like I am in desert right now, a few months ago my relationship with the Lord seemed to have been the best it has ever been. Now, I am just back to struggling with putting myself and life before my relationship with Jesus…I pray for God to humble me and break me, mold me into His image. I get so frustrated sometimes with my thoughts and my pride. I am saved by His almighty grace and it is not because of anything that I have done…why is that so easy to forget? Why do I want some sort of credit for His glorious work? It’s so wrong, I truly want to be His vessel so that He can share his love and light through me, and I hate it when my flesh gets in the way. I struggle with prioritizing my time, with so much to do in a day… I know that spending time with Jesus should be number one and it shouldn’t even be something I need to think about! I should be so overwhelmed by His love and what He’s done that I should be jumping for joy that I can even bow at His feet…grant me the grace, Lord. Forgive me. Help me focus on what you have done for us this Easter season; please fill my cup so that I might overflow…

We have started a Bible Study with some other couples and friends, I am praying that goes well and that great bonds are made. We are excited to be part of something different! Lately, Mike and I are really trying to focus on blessing other because we have been so blessed. Finding moments in our relationships where we can share this with others…I feel like we are being bold with what God has laid on our hearts. We are open about how He is working in our lives and are so excited for this journey that has only just begun.

It is amazing to me how just giving up shopping has really changed my life…so many things have changed because of this one sacrifice. It has help to put things into perspective. It has brought me closer to my Creator and has just grown me so much.

Last thought, we are headed to Haiti this summer to work in the tent city! We will be spending a week there and I am so excited! So excited to have this experience with some of my family and to see how God works and what we can learn from this resilient group of people!

Life is such a roller coaster, some spots are bumpy, some are a free-fall, some make you want to scream, some make your tummy turn, make you sick, make you scared, make you want to laugh and hold on tight but knowing who directs my cart makes everything okay.

 

A prayer for 2013...

"Compassion is not a bending toward the underprivileged from a privileged position; it is not reaching out from on high to those who are less fortunate below; it is not a gesture of sympathy or pity for those who fail to make it in the upward pull. On the contrary compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there."

Praying that I will be this kind of compassionate in 2013...

He will come to us like winter rains

Wishing for some snow this week! Praying that God will fill me and guide me each day. Really depending on Him to humble me and to show Himself in some situations in my life, asking Him to be near to me...
"Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge Him. As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." Hosea 6:3

A New Book

I just ordered a new trilogy of books that I am very excited about... the series is called The Reluctant Prophet. It's about a woman who is nudged by God to go into the darkest parts of St. Augustine, FL and be Jesus to the prostitutes in that community. Like getting down and washing their feet type of service... The comments I have read about these books thus far seem to be fitting along with what I am wrestling with in my own life. One question asked in the book (when her definition of "Christian" is challenged) "Is it only those who have answered an altar call and prayed the Sinner’s Prayer and have agreed to follow the plan for salvation? Could people who unintentionally live as Jesus did, perhaps without being able to put it into words, be included under the category of “Christian?” Lately, I have found myself asking questions similar to this one, I am excited to start reading these books and following her journey.

I know I haven't written much on the blog about my clothing hiatus but I think it's been almost 4 months and God has been teaching me so much. I never thought that just giving up shopping would make me start to see Jesus in a whole new way, that it would re-define Christianity for me and draw me so much closer to my Savior. I am continuing to re-mix my wardrobe and think about the kind of style and clothes that I will buy once this is over BUT the challenge has really just put my emphasis on other things in life that are more important and I am super grateful for that!

Another thought from the book....

Pondering...

It's been a while since I have posted, I have been so busy and just not in the mood to write. We have been keeping busy with work and life...  I have been working on finding those still, small moments to spend in silence and reflection. I try to wake up a few minutes earlier or instead of watching TV; I read and meditate. I find that if I am able to have these moments in communion with Jesus then I stay much more focused on Him throughout the day...constantly longing for His presence. This urge to be more like Jesus is the strongest that it has ever been for me. It's like all the sudden I am able to see the kind of person that Jesus was and the amazing God that He is...His compassion, understanding, selflessness, empathy, love, forgiveness...He leaves me in awe. My purpose here on this earth is to glorify God and to be Jesus to those around me; giving up my selfish desires everyday. I certainly DON'T do this all the time and it's a constant battle but lately I feel like my turn-around time is getting shorter; I am feeling convicted almost immediately and am able to direct my eyes back to Him. I have SO far to go but these are just some random thoughts that I have been having lately. Praying for all the change that still needs to be done in my heart but thanking Him for what He has done for me (and will do) ...to God be the glory, great things He has done!


Smith Mountain Lake (where I have spent countless still, small moments)

One of my post's disappeared?

A few days ago I posted another blog that I have been following... I don't know what happened to that post? So I will just re-type it! I have been wanting to read this book called Kisses From Katie and while searching for it online I found that the author of the book has a personal blog, http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/. This blog is amazing. Katie is such an inspiration and is living her life full out for Jesus. You should check it out! I was reading Matthew this morning and came across these 2 verses, "Whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matt. 10:39. These verses are very convicting for me... life isn't about things that I want, pursuing the things that I want will leave me with nothing; it's about surrenduring my life to Jesus and living full out for Him. It's about being His hands and feet and loving others the way Jesus loves me. I am learning so much right now...Jesus is teaching me a lot. I am thinking and contemplating big things...I don't want to waste time living for myself, I want to live for Jesus and lose my life for His sake. There is so much that I want to say but I am not sure how to put it into words yet...It's like I am all the sudden realizing what Christianity is all about and God and His plan for me is much bigger than I ever thought.